


Iron Spotting

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-17
Updated: 2012-05-18
Packaged: 2017-11-05 13:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The citizens of New York City take pride in their icons. They love their Avengers, and particularly keep an eye on Iron Man because: LOOK. So SHINY. He's also rather hard to miss when he's flying. </p><p>This is a walkie-talkie log of a recent day's activities among the NYC IronSpotters, and their affiliates.</p><p>(Added Tony's POV of the events, after the walkie-talkie log.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Spotter Redbird here, he's currently circling the Chrysler Building. Is this just for fun, or can anyone see a reason for activity?"

"Spotter Shinygold here, Doombots at Lex and 42nd. Got my long lens with me, should get some good shots."

"Spotter Ironic leaving New York Theater, will rendezvous with Shinygold, got a mech support kit. Anyone in the vicinity with med kit?"

"Spotter Starkfish leaving Turtle Bay for meetpoint, have full med kit."

"Spotter Vandyke, Starbucks en route, will get espresso." 

"Spotter Redbird, he's going down alone. Cross-paging Capsizers for a hurry-up."

"Capsizer Trueblue here, Doombots have access to Lex blocked. Cross-paging Greenmeanies to see if their guy's in position to help."

"Greenmeanie Bigbad here, I see help on the way. Got some awesome footage. Doombot blockage going down... now."

"Capsizer Trueblue, Lex cleared. What word from Spotters?"

"Spotter Shinygold. New suit. Seems faster, action shots blurred."

"Spotter Ironic. Doombots being bastards. Got in lucky shot. Going in now."

"Spotter Redbird. All affiliates, converge, assist Ironic. Where are you, Starkfish?"

"Starkfish. Busy now."

"Spotter Redbird. All affiliates, lock and load. Downed bird and Doombots hunting."

*overlapping messages* "Locked. Loaded. Fuck you, Doombots"

"Spotter Redbird. Public comms, watch your lang... oh, you would, you fucker."

"Shinygold. Joints are vulnerable. Concentrate fire on Doombots nearest downed bird."

"Ironic. Got bird under cover, working on suit. Starkfish, Vandyke working on bird."

"Capsizer Trueblue. Doombots got nards! Aim to maim."

"Greenmeanie Bigbad. Damn, they don't like that."

"Spotter Redbird. All affiliates, Cap and Green have arrived. Count coup and clear out."

"Capsizer Trueblue. Roger that. How'd we do?"

"Ironic here. Bird's in air. Starkfish, Vandyke and I got autographs."

*overlapping messages* "Awesome."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commenter slvrbld747 requested Tony's side of events. I aim to please whenever possible.

"Iron Man! Do not engage! Wait for us!"

"Don't worry, Cap. I'll leave some for you." Tony has only a small portion of his attention on Captain America. The Doombots are moving quickly, and from his vantage it looks as if they're trying to complete some kind of formation. He wouldn't put it past Doom to have made TransformerDoombots, which, no. It would make terrible headlines and he hates having to scroll sideways to read the news. Much better to destroy them while they're still Doombots. 

"Iron Man!" Captain America sounds rather exasperated. Tony ignores the comm and circles again, checking out positions- Cap and Hulk are temporarily blockaded a few blocks away from the main action by a group of smaller, less shiny Doombots- cannon fodder Doombots. Whatever the spiffy economy-size Doombots intend, they're getting ready to do it. Jarvis is flashing red alerts of energy build-up and Tony sees two Doombots join hands. Their 'eyes' begin glowing. Another pair of Doombots clasp hands. Tony is fairly sure they're not going to gather around a campfire and sing 'Kumbaya'.

"Oh, no, you don't. Hey, you kids! Get off my lawn!" Tony dives, firing repulsors at the 'dating' Doombots. Several of them blow up quite satisfactorily, but when he swings around to go for a second strafing run while avoiding line-of-sight (glowing robot eyes generally are health hazards) he discovers they have a new trick up their sleeves. Not that they have sleeves, but still... their fists can detach and shoot up like cannonballs. He doesn't dodge fast enough and one hits him in the chest plate at just the worst possible angle.

The cover plate rim shifts, just enough to break contact with his reactor. Jarvis flickers and dies, the repulsors sputter and stop, the soft hum of electronics vanishes, and Tony is now flying like a gold-titanium brick. Tony flails, trying to grab the rim to reseat it, but he's only a few stories high, there isn't time. The ground is very, very ...Ow. 

Tony slams into a pile of rubble, whacks his head on the inside of the suit, and is scrabbling away crab-wise with Doombots turning toward him not as ponderously as he would like. He staggers and barely avoids being swatted by the nearest Doombot, which apparently hasn't been programmed to compensate for the loss of its fist after shooting him down. Tony has no intention of telling Doom how to correct that mistake. Fortunately the big Doombots haven't much room to maneuver and they keep getting in each other's way, but he can only dodge so long. Without power the suit is awfully heavy.

There's a noise which Tony recognizes without thinking about it as the sound of a Harley-Davidson, a very large one. Before he can blink, a young woman in construction worker gear pulls up on the Harley. "GET ON!" she shouts and Tony obeys instinctively. She spins the Harley, revs, and uses a pile of rubble as a take off ramp to leap past a Doombot.

"ARE YOU INSANE!" Tony shouts, but he doesn't let go of his grip on the motorcycle.

"YES! I'm Ironic, pleased to MEET YOU." the woman shouts back as she takes the Harley down an alley, stops at the other end, looks both ways and then tears off toward a man wearing a messenger uniform and pedaling hell for leather on a racing bike. "Starkfish! I've got the bird!"

Tony is still dazed. He's quite sure this really isn't happening. Ironic stops the motorcycle when she reaches the bicyclist and puts down the kickstand. She opens a storage unit on the motorcycle and pulls out a set of tools. Tony wakes up for that. "Give me that." He takes a thin flat-head and tries to pry the rim into moving, but his hands aren't steady, and he drops it. Ironic grabs it before it hits the ground. "Tell me what to do."

Tony is stifling in the powerless suit. He hits the manual release on the face plate. "The rim. It's bent, won't... make connection."

"Right. I see it." Ironic bends down to work on his chest. 

The man on the bicycle has a medical kit. He grabs Tony's chin and looks into his eyes, shining a pen-light in them.

"Hey!" Tony protests, but he can't move because the woman is starting to make progress.

"Pupils normal." The man unwraps a medicated pad and wipes at a cut on Tony's cheek, before holding up his hand. "How many fingers?"

"Are you serious! Fine, three. There are DOOMBOTS after us. Get off the street!"

There's the sound of running feet, and a teenage boy appears, holding a Starbucks bag. He's panting, and grinning like a maniac. "Espresso!"

"Hand it over, Vandyke." Starkfish opens a bottle and shakes out a couple pills, holding the bottle up so Tony can read the label. It's his usual for fast pain relief and always works better for him when taken with coffee. 

Tony takes the coffee and the pills, feeling that this whole experience is too unreal to bother worrying about. Ironic is muttering into a walkie-talkie as she tugs at the cover plate rim.

"Would you sign my autograph book, please?" Vandyke says, pulling out a small zippered book from a back pocket. He holds a pen out to Tony.

Tony blinks. "Sure kid. Vandyke?" Tony signs, 'To Vandyke, from Iron Man'.

"Oh, hey, could you..." 

"Fine." Tony makes out autographs to Starkfish and Ironic. He can hear the Doombots bashing into the alley trying to widen it, just as the cover plate suddenly frees up, turns and snaps in place. The suit powers up, and Tony snaps his face plate down. "Get down!" he shouts and takes off without bothering to get off the motorcycle.

He hears Ironic and the other two shouting with what sounds like extreme glee over the scorch marks as he emerges from the alley in time to see Captain America and the Hulk approaching, bashing Doombots with every stride. There are a number of average citizens taking potshots at the Doombots, but they scatter and head for cover before he can get there.

"God," Tony shouts as he takes down Doombots, "I LOVE NEW YORK!"

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Spotters' by-laws preclude setting up decoys of false attacks on the city, but it is considered permissible to wheedle tickets to any Tony Stark sponsored event where he's likely to show up in Iron Man armor. You don't get the same street cred for photos/autographs obtained under those circumstances, of course.


End file.
